• Thanks for visiting The Penturners Forum today.

    There are many features and resources that currently you are unable to see or access, either because you're not yet registered, or if you're already registered, because you're not logged in.

    To gain full access to the forum, please log in or register now. Registration is completely free, it only takes a few seconds, and you can join our well established community of like-minded pen makers.

Testicles

Grump

Grand Master
Joined
Aug 17, 2013
Posts
10,504
Location
Stevenage
First Name
Brian
Yes testicles it's a perfectly legitimate word so why am I talking about them here?
Simples init? I would rather try and laugh about my experience than get serious and start worrying.

My Drain watches all manner of crap on the telly but one program I took notice of was a doctor thing where they showed how to self examine your balls.
The advise was to check regularly and at the first sign of any change report it to your GP.

I liked the idea of this and thought I would follow this advise so I check regularly every ten minutes or so is often enough I think.
About 3 weeks ago I noticed a change and thought I had better keep an on this so I checked more often than usual.
Last night that change had begun to form a definite lump.

I promptly scared the living daylights out of myself by reading about testicular cancer on the interweb init?
Not getting a wink of sleep for fear of what might be happening to me, I phone the surgery this moaning and got an 08.30 appointment.

My doctor has retired at long last good luck to him he was a straight talking guy with a good sense of humour and I got on well with him.
When I got called to go in I went straight to his room, only to find he has been replaced with a woman.
Not just a woman but a pretty young thing of about 30ish.

I told her of my worries and she asked if I would prefer a man to examine me.
No I said I want a doctor to examine me, as you are now my doctor cop an eyeful of this lot init?

Unfortunately she has no sense of humour and pointed to the examination table / bed thing were I laid down.
She pulled her rubber gloves on and duly set about grabbing my nuts, after a few moments she said I think I can feel something but it's tiny.
You keep fondling around there sweetheart it'll soon get bigger, I said.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned init?
The serious face balled out if you want this examination to continue lay still and shut up.

Well I said all the advise is to catch it early init. this is 3 weeks old is that late enough or do you want me to wait until it spreads further or maybe till I am bloody dead.
Just do your job woman I shan't bother you any more.

To sum up yes she agreed I have a lump on my left bollock and should be refereed quickly to radiography.

All my life I was fit as butchers dog, Doctors were something other people used to talk about, I never saw one.
Since I turned 55 I am falling to bits, the last few years have been disastrous init?

There ya go another entry in the open book of the Grump diary of woe.
 

Jimjam66

Chief Battonager
Registered
Joined
Jan 27, 2013
Posts
3,775
Location
Basingstoke, Hampshire
At least you might be a stone lighter in due course, Brian! Unfortunately your mates will say you don't have the balls for it anymore ...

... Okay okay, sometimes it makes sense to laugh about things 'cos otherwise you'd cry. I haven't reached 55 yet but I've seen more doctors and specialists in the last two years than in the rest of my life. Deffo an age thing ...
 

stevenw1963

Bodger supreme
Fellow
Joined
May 9, 2013
Posts
3,551
Location
South Lanarkshire - Another tyke in exile
First Name
Steven
:whistling::whistling: Brian, has only got 1 ball, the other .... is in Stevenage town hall:whistling::whistling:

Ah, well, at least if they lob it off Brian you can put it down on your diet sheet as another ounce lost:face::face:

Good luck with it Brian. I've not hit the dizzy heights of 55 yet (nor ever spent a night in hospital) so got something to look forward to.
 

paulm

grave manibus faciendum
Registered
Joined
Oct 7, 2013
Posts
12,046
Location
Sandford
First Name
Paul
Take no notice of them Brian, they are an unsympathetic lot. I wonder if you could turn it though and maybe make a finial or something for one of Woody's box's :funny:

Seriously though I hope all is ok.
 

Buckeye

ペンメーカー
Executive Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2013
Posts
9,697
Location
UK
First Name
Peter
Take no notice of them Brian, they are an unsympathetic lot. I wonder if you could turn it though and maybe make a finial or something for one of Woody's box's :funny:

Seriously though I hope all is ok.

It's probably best suited to the egg kaleidoscope albeit a small one:funny:

Peter
 

Neil Lawton

Longlocks
Fellow
Joined
Dec 26, 2013
Posts
3,115
Location
York
First Name
Neil
It's getting more like Facebook every day!
Everybody is talking bollocks!:face:

Hope everything goes okay for you Brian.
 

Jim

Grand Master
Joined
Oct 19, 2011
Posts
15,617
Good luck with it Brian, sad tale, but you brought me to laughter my friend ..
 

yorkshireman

Wood Rat
Executive Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2013
Posts
5,199
Location
wrexham
First Name
Keith
These things are easily treated if found early and this looks the case. Take care and good luck my friend
 

scouseroy

Graduate Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2014
Posts
666
Location
Runcorn Cheshire
First Name
Roy
Good for you Brian for bringing it to our Attention!!!! we may laugh but Testicular cancer is a really important issue to us guys and is as bigger a threat to men as breast cancer is to women, although its much more common in younger men, so I hope you have just found a cyst which is really common but I applaud you :bravo:
 

Woody

Registered
Joined
Jul 12, 2013
Posts
12,812
Location
at home
First Name
no
Hi ya mate that's a bloody shock but it seems you have found it early so all should be well as has been said they work wonders nowadays good luck my friend
 

Grump

Grand Master
Joined
Aug 17, 2013
Posts
10,504
Location
Stevenage
First Name
Brian
Thanks for the nice comments peeps.
My bollocks are finished with now, they have done a good job in the past but the big head don't keep up with the little head any more init?
I really don't care if they chop one or both off but I don't want it spreading to the parts other beers can't reach.
That's where I got scared and that's why I wanna nip this in the bud, gimme a fighting chance, if there is one and I'll take it.
Anyway i don't got a diagnosis yet so I could be worrying about nuffink.
Nobody likes to talk about the big C but it is very real and kills, Life itself is a terminal illness (think about it).
Woody or Terry or both put a pic up earlier that meant so much to me when I saw it.

10352207_925659924114699_4274988535217392342_n.jpg

Stick my boat on that bike and that very much was me and sod the skid lid.
The things I have lived through, Places I have been, People I have met.
And still the best time to be alive is now, live for the moment and enjoy each moment.
My old dad used to to say to me "your a lot longer dead than you are alive boy, and don't count your sheep before they hatch in a haystack".
Never a truer word spoken, he was so wise, can someone tell me what it means I never did understand the crazy ol sod.

He also said "You think your body everyone, just cos you used to was, who'd ya think you are I don't suppose," I live my life by that statement init?
 

Grump

Grand Master
Joined
Aug 17, 2013
Posts
10,504
Location
Stevenage
First Name
Brian
Just got back fro the first of two appointments this week.
Today was a chat with the surgeon after the results of my heart scan and stuff
Seems I am gonna be computerised they talking of implants and pacemakers and all sorts of battery things.
I have to wait for a date for a pacemaker to be fitted init?

Friday I get my bollocks scanned with ultra sound, one thing after another init?
 

paulm

grave manibus faciendum
Registered
Joined
Oct 7, 2013
Posts
12,046
Location
Sandford
First Name
Paul
That just goes to prove it Brian, YOU DO HAVE A HEART. You're not the tin man :funny: Just a quick oil change and a bit of a tune up and you'll be back gumping as good as new.

I hope all goes well on Friday and I'm sure that if the piston is broke, they can fix it.
 
Warning! This thread has not had any replies for over a year. You are welcome to post a reply here, but it might be better to start a new thread (and maybe include a link to this one if you need to).
Top