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Clumsysod is clumsy does

clumsysod

GOBBY GIT
Graduate Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2013
Posts
687
Location
Grantham
It could only happen to me, see if you can spot the irony in my day today.
I was given a 9volt little square battery and asked to change it in the smoke detecter as it keeps beeping so the battery must be going flat.
Armed with a scredriver and a pair of step ladders I ventured to do so, only to find the detecter was a wired in variety so battery not required, the cause was soon apparent there was a regiment of tiny spiders inside the alarm interfering with the sensor causing it to beep at random.
A dusting brush cleared the system to solve the problem, I then had the job of doing same to every one in the building.

That task completed I was charged with minding some VIP foriegn visitors and entertaining them with strict orders of complience to do a list of things.

I booked a local posh nosh and not having a civi whistle at my current location sorted a hire dress suit.
Took my visitors to said posh nosh and whilst seated and dinning a waitress approached me and reminded me that smoking is banned and indeed illegal on these premises, I thanked her for the reminder and informed her that I don't smoke and if I did I wouldn't consdier doing so whilst eating and that I too am aware of the law on smoking in public places.

In that case sir would you mind extuishing the cigerette you have burning under the table she said pointing to the smoke rising from the table cloth.
I stood up to find my pocket was on fire, wel not exactly on fire at that point but gently smouldering a large hole in my hired trousers.
I took my handerchief from the pocket at which point it burst into flames and set of the sprinkler system.
Also burning my hand and my leg at the same time as soaking my guests and everyone in the resaurant.
Mayhem ensued from this point on and chaos reigned for a good hour or so while fire brigade and police crawled all over the joint.
Cutting it short now as I could go on all night about this, it seemed I had put the battery in my pocket and transfered it with my small changed into the suit trousers where a coin had got lodged between the contacts and overheated it to extent where it was glowing red.
I have to blame my mother for this as she always told me to carry two Handkerchiefs about my person one for my snot and one for the ladies tears.
That will be my defence when I get summonds to court over this issue, here endeth todays lesson to you all.
 

Jim

Grand Master
Joined
Oct 19, 2011
Posts
15,617
I find this hard to believe George, i mean come on, you in a suit ... :ciggrin::ciggrin:
 
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