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  1. #1
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    topical

    On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.
    Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
    While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?
    When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
    St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
    After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".
    "Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
    "You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
    "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
    "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here.....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

    Enjoy Life you only get it once and there is no Apprenticeship

     
     
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  3. #2
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  4. #3
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    I went into a pet shop.....

    Assistant "Can I help you?"

    Me "I want to buy a wasp."

    Assistant "We don't sell wasps."

    Me "Well there's one in the window."

     
     
  5. #4
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    My wife and daughter (both blondes) were walking along the street and find a small mirror. My daughter picks it up...

    Daughter looks at it and says "I know the person in that picture."

    The wife takes it from her, looks at it and says "Yeah, it's me you idiot."

     
     
  6. #5
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    Two blondes were making their way along a grass verge at the side of the road. One was digging holes every few feet, the other followed behind and filled them in.

    A small group gradually formed and watched these two women doing this for about half an hour. Finally a guy walks up to one of the women.....

    Guy "Excuse me ma'am but I have to ask, what are you two doing?"

    Blonde "Planting trees."

    Guy "But.....there are no trees planted in the holes."

    Blonde "That's Roxy's job, she's on holiday."

     
     

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